Barfing Up Ghosts Is Scary

Horror has been redefined. During the George W. Bush years, horror movies consisted of torture porn (Saw, Hostel), remakes (The Hitcher, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hills Have Eyes) and Japanese ghost stories (The Grudge, The Eye, Pulse).

But now, fear has a new name: "Bleeeaaaaayyyaaaaaccchhh" (otherwise known as "Ghost Vomit.") Seriously. Check out the main visual from The Haunting in Connecticut, which opens in theaters today.


See? The dude is barfing up a ghost. It's like Ghostbusters in reverse.

So say goodbye to Saw with its passe torture scenes of eyelid snips, kneecap twists and butterflied anuses. Say farewell to possible remakes of horror "classics" like Critters, Leprechaun and Candyman. Say TTFN to more Asian thrillers about haunted technology like supernatural videotapes, possessed cameras, demonic cell phones and iPods that shuffle out all your gay dance jamz when you're trying to impress a date. The new face of fear has arrived. And it's puking up Casper.

Making Fun of Retards is Okay

If you can't laugh about the mentally disabled, what can you laugh at, right? I'm right with you, Mr. President. I also suck at bowling, which is a totally retarded sport anyway, and I also think feebs are funny. I appreciate the validation.

Now Playing in the White House Screening Room:
March 21 - 25: Life Goes On Marathon
March 26: The Ringer with special guest speaker Johnny Knoxville

There's Nothing Wrong with Peeing in the Shower

In the latest issue of Blender magazine, Kelly Clarkson declares that she's just like everyone else and pees in the shower! With Miss Independent bravely coming out (of the shower stall with pee on her feet), she proves that the Obama administration is heralding in the era in which it's perfectly alright for you to relieve yourself while rinsing and repeating.

Please note that while it's OK to pee in the shower, it's still not OK to do the following (Obama can make change happen, but he ain't no miracle worker):

• Peeing while taking a bath
• Farting in an elevator
• Barfing while administering CPR
• Ejaculating in a preschool
• Taking a dump in bed (pictured below)

Since U been gone, Kelly Clarkson been using UR shower as toilet.

Everyone Has a Chance With Megan Fox

Maybe she broke up with Brian Austin Green, maybe she didn't. But yeah, you have a shot with her, everybody. Hurray!