Size Really Doesn't Matter Anymore

Yes, lads, something women used to say to make y'all feel better (another one is "it happens to everyone"--it doesn't) is now totally true. I am a woman, I would not lie, despite that I just admitted some women will lie. But either way, it's the kind of lie you like. Um. Not that we as a gender lie a lot.


Size sure don't hurt tho. Just sayin'.

Hayden Panettiere is Single Again

She dropped that icky old dude and is single, like any self-respecting, hot 19-year-old should be.



All is right with the world. Now if only she could get out of that shitty show she's on.

You Are, in Fact, Ready to Rock

At all motherfucking times.



Word to the Motherland. (That's word to your mother for the white folks in the audience.)

All Movies Based on Video Games Are Fantastic

Faithful enough to the games for the diehard fans, while still managing to be comprehensible and compelling for all audiences, these movies are no longer shitty, desperate attempts to cash in on a built-in audience, and instead are beautifully shot, thoughtfully written, brilliantly directed masterpieces on par with the greatest movies of all time. Just with more ass kickin' and shit blowing up.



And sometimes boobs.

Unicorn Births At an All-Time High

Unsettling times make unicorns the opposite of horny. Which is weird, you know, considering that they are, at all times, literally horny. Behorned*. Horned? Whatever.


Luckily for all of us, unicorn gestation periods are rather short, and we are now experiencing a unicorn BOOM.

Happy days are here again! For unicorns!




*I get behorned thinking about Zac Efron eating a banana, if you know what I'm saying**.

**I'm saying the thought of Zac Efron with a dicklike object in his mouth makes me horny.

Rainbows, Ladies and Gentlemen. Rainbows.

Have you ever seen so many fucking rainbows?