Candy Technology Shall Have No Bounds

As a tie-in to the upcoming Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, candy technologists have engineered a new flavor of M&M: Strawberried Peanut Butter. It's more than meets the eye. It's yuk that meets the tongue. It melts in your mouth and not in your hand, and then it transforms into vomit!

Genius. Just you wait for the G.I. Joe Blueberry Cherrymallow Nutswirl Snickers.

Binging on Carbs Is Healthy

Introducing the Pasta Bread Bowl from Domino's, proof positive that carbs are so good for you that you should gorge yourself on so much dough you'll be shitting out loaves of Oroweat.


Even after creating the Oreo Dessert Pizza, Domino's realized they still had too much leftover dough, so why not use it to make pasta and the bowl that holds it? Better yet, make people eat it with a fork made out of macaroni and serve it up on a giant pancake table with breadstick legs! And all of this is available at your local Domino's, which is actually a life-sized gingerbread house with a thatched spaghetti roof and grafitti made from alphabet soup noodles that says "Suck it, Atkins!" Damn, I'm hungry now. Your fucking move, Pizza Hut.

All Breakfast Cereals Declared "Magically Delicious"

The only thing stopping me from getting my daily allowance of fiber was my need for breakfast to taste like a bowl of Jolly Ranchers. But that was before the recent advances in the marshmallow sciences and improved Leprechaun hiring practices. Tree-flavored cereals like Special K and Grape Nuts now taste like pink hearts, yellow moons and purple horseshoes.

Even Mueslix doesn't taste as gross as it sounds. Oh, happy and solid day for my bowels!